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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28306092">I could have saved them!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleavocado/pseuds/purpleavocado'>purpleavocado</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Pokemon Angst [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Gen, Headcanon, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, I Made Myself Cry, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, Please Don't Hate Me, Please Kill Me, Suicide, Teen Angst, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:01:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>664</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28306092</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleavocado/pseuds/purpleavocado</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ash has had enough of failing, of letting people down. He has a solution, but nobody's gonna like it. . .</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ookido Shigeru | Gary Oak &amp; Satoshi | Ash Ketchum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Pokemon Angst [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2071185</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I could have saved them!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Set in Seeing the Forest for the trees. I hate that episode with a passion, and I will do a rewrite, one of these days. WARNING: suicide. Don't read if that's a trigger. Sorry.  </p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A/N: Set in Seeing the Forest for the trees. I hate that episode with a passion, and I will do a rewrite, one of these days. WARNING: suicide. Don't read if that's a trigger. Sorry.  </p><p> </p><p>Serena stumbled in the snow, calling Ash's name, but to no avail. She was just about to give up, when by pure chance, out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of a blue fabric peeking out from between the trees. Serena was elated. Now all she had to do was convince Ash that it wasn't his fault for losing the battle, and he could rechallenge Wulfric! But what she saw made her blood run cold.</p><p> </p><p>Ash was holding a knife to his stomach, only being held back from plunging the blade in by another boy, probably around Ash's age with spiky auburn hair. He and Ash were currently engaged in a shouting match, and both had tears running down their faces. A bit of blood colored the snow surrounding them. Ash's wrists were cut, both of them. The bleeding seemed to have stopped, but there was a tiny bit of blood still leaking out.</p><p> </p><p>"Just let me go, Gary! Let me do this!"  </p><p> </p><p>The other one, Gary, shook his head desperately. "No way! Im not just gonna stand by Nd let you commit suicide! Not when you gave so much to live for!"</p><p> </p><p>"But I don't, and that's just it! All I am is a loser, Gary! You said it yourself, remember?"</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, well I was wrong! You're anything but a loser Ash! C'mon, just think of how devastated everyone would be if you did this! Me, Misty, Brock, your Mom, what will they think?"</p><p> </p><p>Ash laughed, a hysterical sound that chilled Serena to the bones. ''So what? Theyre used to losing people! And I am  a loser. 7 years of traveling, and what has that got me? Dying, over, and over again, only to be brought back to life each time. Top 16. Top 8. Top 8. Top 4. Top 8. And none of them have I ever won a league! 5 leagues Gary! 5! And not in a single one of them have I even got to the finals! What does that say about e Gary? I'm a loser, a failure. I can never live up to my friends expectations! Its better like this, Gary!''</p><p> </p><p>''No, it's not! Your friends believe in you, Ash! That doesn't mean they want to lose more people!'' Gary said, getting more desperate by the moment. ''If you do this, you're gonna leave your mom all alone! Do you want that?''</p><p> </p><p>Ash sucked in a breath, tears now flowing openly, like a river. When he spoke, his vice was as hard as a diamond and as cold as a crystal. ''Want that? Want that? You think I wanted my brothers to die? You think I wanted my childhood friend to die? YOU THINK I WANTED THE ONLY PERSON I LOVED TO DIE!?!?!?'' his voice broke, and he let go of the knife, letting it drop into the snow, forgotten. He curled into a ball, rocking, sobbing. It was heartbreaking, heart wrenching, and so, so, pitiful.</p><p> </p><p>Serena couldn't move an inch, staring in horror at the scene that was unfolding in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>''Red, Silver, Blue, Green, Yellow, Gold, Ethan, Kris, Ruby, Sapphire, Brendan,'' with each name he shuddered more, ''Diamond, Pearl, Platinum, Lyra, Black, White, Hilda, Cheren, YOU THINK I WANT THEM GONE!?!?!?!? A-and Crystal. . .Goddammit Gay! I can't live without her! She was my everything! A-and I  could have saved them! I-I could have done something. . .''</p><p> </p><p>Something inside Ash broke. He uncurled himself from his ball, reached for the knife, and stabbed himself. </p><p> </p><p>Gary couldn't do anything. He couldn't move, he was frozen to the spot, only able to watch as his best friend stabbed himself.</p><p> </p><p>Blood spurted from Ashs chest, and then. . .nothing. He was gone, off to rejoin his family, friends, and lover. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So.  . .yeah. I have multiple headcanons, and in some of my stories they're alive, in others they were killed by Giovanni.In Freeing the Memories of the Past, they're alive, just not really mentioned. In PJmP, they are obviously alive. </p><p>So, this isn't really a. . .Christmas type of fic, but. . .oh well.</p><p>Other than that, I don't really have a lot to say. Review if Serena needs a fact check on that Ash isn't perfect, and is completely allowed to sulk from time to time(like any normal human being. Although. . .I guess he isn't normal. . .)</p><p>Merry Christmas!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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